When I asked a male student at my university what he thought about girls faking orgasms, he said, “I wouldn’t know.”
I laughed at his admission and flashed back to a time I heard a friend of mine coming in symphonic proportions from down the hall. “Dang,” I thought, “Why don’t I ever feel as good as she feels right now?”
She eventually admitted to me that it was all an act to make everyone think her boyfriend was good in bed when in reality she was bored as hell. Such a pity.
According to a 2010 Indiana University and Trojan Condoms study that surveyed 6,000 people aged 14-94, 85-percent of men said their partners climaxed during their most recent sexual experience whereas only 64-percent of women reported doing so. Fishy, fishy!
Asking around some more and getting a few “Nah, man, that would never happen to me”s from guys who probably think they’re so good because they can always get themselves off, I ended up talking to a boyfriend-girlfriend pair that was not only honest with me, they were honest with each other.
“I don’t think she fakes orgasms, but I know we both fake enjoying it sometimes,” he said.
She then acted out a scene, playing both parts—moaning, arching her back, dirty-talking, ooing, and then very quickly making a crude noise representative of him coming.
“When I know it’s not going to happen and don’t want him to keep putting in work thinking it will, it’s just easier to end it by faking it,” she said.
I’ve heard that a lot amongst friends and adult females, that it’s a good way to end it. It’s true, too—why not go out with a bang? The problem with that though is that you’re rewarding someone for something they failed to do. If you’re sick of whatever move your lover is pulling and it’s not tickling your fancy (or g-spot…or clitoris), do you really want them to jot down in their mental notes that it’s what makes you go bananas?
Faking it has a couple purposes. I’m going to address them, but that doesn’t mean I endorse it.
For one thing, we as girls feel defective when we can’t come. We want to, of course, and we know you want to see us reap the benefits of the work you put in. It doesn’t always happen when you want it to, though, and according to WedMD, 10-percent of women have never even had one. To cover up our own insecurity and in an effort to feel close to our partners, we’ll fake it.
If it weren’t for a guy I was involved with earlier in my college career, I’d be faking it all the time. He casually told me one day that he’d prefer I never had an orgasm to still never having an orgasm but having to act like I did. Funny, he probably thought nothing of it, and I’m sure some guys would prefer a girl fake it sometimes if only for the theatrics, but him saying that has prevented me from faking it for anyone since.
I’ve said this a million times before and I’ll say it again—it’s all about open and honest communication. As a girl, I know (for a lot of us) that it’s super hard if not damn near impossible to come, especially from intercourse. And I’m sure as a guy, it’s hard to figure out how to make a girl come and might be a little hit to your ego if you are unsuccessful. Don’t you think that the dishonesty inherent in faking it is worse, though? Sex is a huge part of a relationship. Sometimes, sex is actually the only thing a relationship is based on. In my opinion, girls should be honest with their partners that they don’t have porn-quality orgasms with any regularity. Guys, in turn, should be understanding and not condemn a girl as not exciting in bed if she isn’t screaming their name in symphony.
Just talk about it. Sample conversation:
Girl: I don’t know if I can come from sex and I don’t feel like faking it. Guy: Thanks for being honest…I’m sure we can work on it. ;)
Simple enough, right? Maybe, just maybe, it’ll open communication up enough to actually figure out together what works so faking isn’t even necessary anymore.
UPDATE: Funny enough, I was engaged in a conversation on this topic with four male students just last night and one asked, “So if a girl gets me soaked and is like dripping wet, she’s not coming?”
NO. That’s just vaginal fluid, colloquially known as “pussy juice.” I get ridiculously wet and I’ve never had an orgasm for a guy.
When the guys found that out, they were like, “Excuse me?!”
Yes, gentlemen. It’s true and I’m not a rare specimen.
“You have to hit the back wall, girls go crazy for that,” one said. Uhhh, yeah some like it (and it’s been pleasaurable for me too) but sometimes it fucking HURTS and the writhing and moaning you hear are a result of her thinking, “Ow, how the fuck do you have such a big dick?”
Long story short, I think the lessening of their pride was a decent price to pay if they learned a thing or two. If you want to know if a girl came, ask her afterward.
I think more women need to be honest about this subject. I mean yeah, it will hurt their ego, but if they really want to be good.. they’ll endure it and ask how to get better. Assuming they really care.